The Value of Lasting Power of Attorney

The Value of Lasting Power of Attorney

It’s been a long time since I have done a blog, for many reasons! But, the main reason is something that I never expected to write.

My mum has died.

This image was one of her favourite photos of the two of us. Neither of us could remember what we were giggling about, but we could remember the feeling we had of just uncontrollable laughter over nothing.

She was 71 and her parents had passed at 92 and 88, I thought I was going to have another 20 years with her. It feels incomprehensible that at 40, I will likely have at least my full life again without her.

The circumstances of her death have many aspects to them, too much to write in a blog. The main things to share are that she had two strokes (one was huge) early February and she passed exactly two weeks later, after having had a third stroke.

She was in a beautiful hospice at the end and I cuddled her, hearing her final heartbeat.

There is so much I could share, but I am going to focus on the value of having Lasting Power of Attorneys in place. We had set them up 8 years ago for both my parents, me and Alan also set them up for each other too, and I am so grateful that we did.

I want to be clear that I am going to be sharing my experience of how LPAs work in two different situations, this is not advice about whether you should set these attorneys up. 

Lasting Power of Attorney in a Medical Crisis

When my mum had her stroke the first thing that happened was the ambulance crew arriving. I immediately told them that I had lasting power of attorney, so that they would speak to me as default rather than my dad. My dad has Parkinsons and Dementia.

The LPA was taken note of straight away and I repeated it at the hospital too, to anyone that was nearby. This might sound odd, but the stroke was huge and we didn’t know if she was going to make it. She needed to go to a hospital 1 hour 30 minutes away, but she had to go to one 20 minutes away first as it was so serious, she wouldn’t have made the longer journey.

Everyone was wonderful. Whilst she was being stabilised, I visited the necessary people to ensure that the LPA was noted correctly and myself as the primary contact. At this stage everyone was accepting my saying that I had the LPA in place based upon my word, but I had also previously shared it with the GP so it was in the background systems too.

Mum was transferred that night and taken to hospital further away for surgery. Fast forward to eight days later and I was asked to attend the hospital the next morning, out of visiting hours, to meet with the consultants. I knew that I was going to be asked about putting a do not resuscitate in place. The discussion the next day was about this, but it was different that I expected. I was told that even with the LPA I wasn’t allowed to make a decision, the consultants were putting a DNR in place no matter my point of view. Fortunately, my sister and I had already made the decision that we would apply a DNR, so we didn’t need to fight the decision.

Two days later mum was transferred back to our local hospital and had a third stroke during the journey. We were told to get to the hospital as it was likely that she would pass at any moment. When we arrived there were a lot of things that had gone wrong (I have been assured that a lot of training is being put in place to prevent it happening to other families). The DNR had been lost by the hospital before they transferred her.

When we arrived she was in the resuscitation ward and I had to start telling them all about the LPA and DNR again. This time I had to show proof of the LPA, which I fortunately had a copy of on my phone. After a bit of time I was advised that the neurosurgeons wanted to send her back to the more specialist hospital. This is when the LPA became crucial.

I refused. I asked the doctors, can I override you with the LPA? She had gotten worse the day before travel, then the travel that day had caused her third stroke, I was convinced that her travelling again would kill her. I was told I could refuse the transfer, so I did. Shortly after, the doctors approached me and said that upon reviewing my mum’s details, they agreed that I had made the right choice.

Instead of dying on the way to the other hospital, or dying in a hospital away family, my mum passed in a local hospice. There were double doors that led out to fields and you could smell the trees and sea air. I was able to be by her side for most of the last three days.

That was the value of the Lasting Power of Attorney – time with her in an environment that she would have loved.

Lasting Power of Attorney with Long Term Care

Now to my dad. You might think that a Lasting Power of Attorney for someone with Parkinsons and Dementia might be quite straightforward, think again!

My mum had been my dad’s primary carer. He did have carers coming in once a day for 30 minutes, but she insisted on doing most stuff herself.

I quickly started contacting all the companies linked to their bills, my dad’s specialists the GP etc, to let them know the situation when mum had her first strokes. Most places were fantastic, all I needed to do was send the pdf of the LPAs for both parents to them and I was given access to their accounts. 

We did have a few issues along the way – some minor, some more worrying. 

• GP surgery – this was interesting and fortunately resolved very quickly. The first person I spoke to said that I had to get my parents to sign forms to give me permission to act on their behalf. Very much an excuse me moment, mum is unconscious in Hull and my dad has Parkinsons, plus I have an LPA which clearly states that I have authority here. Needless to say, we got a callback from someone else soon after saying I had full access, they had the LPAs on the system from when I had sent them in years before
• State benefits – my dad receives personal independence payment for his Parkinsons and Dementia. Most places accepted the LPAs electronically but DWP insisted that I send the originals to them. This is quite a worry as the originals are literally gold, you cannot lost them, so sending them through the post was concerning to me. I did everything tracked and recorded and asked that they be returned that way, luckily they came back all in one piece.
• Social care – this was the worrying one and still causes me concern going forward. Having the LPAs in place for my dad means nothing when it comes to assessing his needs for carers. The current rules are that the social workers will build a plan for care based upon what the person ‘wants’ not what they ‘need’. This is very difficult when you have someone like my dad who fiercely misses his independence, is not particularly socialable, doesn’t want anyone in his space and has the biggest stubborn streak you’ve ever met. When asked, my dad’s view was I don’t want anyone to look after me, I want to be at home, I want to manage my own medications, etc. These are not things that he can do as he is in the advanced stages of Parkinsons. Fortunately the social worker has insisted on five care visits a day, to match in with his medications, where they have in a sense overridden his wants.

I would say that at the moment the biggest value of having the LPAs for my dad are that his medical professionals will chat with me and I also have access to his finances. I can make sure that this care costs are paid, I’ve set up some regular food deliveries for him and much much more. I’ve had to complete full financial assessments for him calculating his incomings and outgoings, doing a fake Tesco shop with weekly, monthly quarterly needs, so I can build an average cost for his essentials. Then you need to include window cleaner, gardener, I’ve even tried adding the annual boiler service too.

It has not been easy to navigate at all and I’ve had to work on a part-time basis for the last two months to manage it all, whilst trying to cope with the grieving process. I have been handling mum’s estate too, there is so so much to sort, I never expected there to be so many things. It’s been horrible, but it’s certainly been made easier by having the LPAs in place.

Consider Your Options

Today feels like quite a good time to write this blog. I have been thinking about it for a while. Today mum came home. She is in a lovely spot in the sunshine and she will stay with me until I can carry out her wishes, for her final resting place.

I believe that everyone should at least look into and consider putting in place Lasting Power of Attorney. It might be that you don’t feel that it is right for you and your circumstances, it won’t be for some people, but they can be invaluable to a lot of people.

Ultimately, it comes down to considering what you would want to happen if you become incapacitated. Do you want the state or your loved ones to make decisions about your health and finances? If you would want it to be your loved ones, then an LPA can give you added security that your wishes are met.